#RIPChristinaGrimmie
Never thought I'd be able to see her live in Singapore when I subscribed to her 5 years ago omg I think I replayed her cover of 'Just A Dream' with Sam Tsui like 100,000 times just on my own. 😂 She has come so far since then but she'll always be the puffy-haired zeldaxlove64 to me
Part of my Instagram caption last year for my group photo with her.
It's been a rather devastating day because I woke up to the #PrayforChristina hashtag on Twitter and at first I didn't even pay much attention to it. Then I clicked into it and found out about the shooting and it was so shocking but I still thought that she would be fine because it was stated that she was in critical condition. So I informed my sis and my friends about it and sincerely hoped that she would be fine and at that point in time I really believed that she would be fine. But then death rumours started spreading and there were screenshots of family friends talking about her death and it started dawning on me that maybe things are not as positive as I'd like to believe. Sis kept refreshing Twitter and it was her who first saw abcnews reported her death, which I could only respond with "omg omg omg" because I was completely at a loss of words. Then I got on Twitter myself and saw a few more online news sources reporting her death but I STILL wished that somehow there was miscommunication somewhere and it was not true. But when the Orlando Police confirmed the news I knew it was over and I really really couldn't bring myself to admit the truth. It breaks my heart as I slowly see more and more news sources reporting her death. I'm not sure which is worse - to find out about her death out of nowhere, or to follow her news from her being "shot and in critical condition" to her having "passed away from her injuries". Those hours in-between were filled with desperate hope and it makes the news of her having passed away even more heartbreaking.
Her death itself is heartbreaking, but I think the manner in which she died made it so much more horrifying. If it was sickness, or even an accident, I think we would have been devastated all the same, but much more understanding and accepting. But to be brutally killed like this, right after her concert, while she was giving out autographs to her fans, it is heart-wrenchingly tragic.
It still feels unbelievable, even now. Every time I see a news headline title like "'The Voice' Singer dies..." or "Singer fatally shot", I die a little inside because I still cannot accept this fact. And I can't even say I'm a huge fan or anything, so I can't even begin to imagine how those who were her fans are feeling right now. I saw some of her fanpage owners/admins saying goodbye and closing their sites and it is so so sad omg, it's like a part of them left with her.
Well I first got to know her around 5 years ago? Someone played her cover of "Just A Dream" with Sam Tsui and I loved it. To date it is actually still one of the best covers around and I still go back and listen to it every now and then because it brings back many fond secondary school memories. Now obviously it won't be the case anymore :( But it is indeed an apt cover to remember her by because I really wish this was just a dream :(
But anyway, I subscribed to her YouTube channel because of that and her + her puffy hair (it was damn cool last time okay I loved her fringe) + her keyboard + her posters in her room with the grainy video quality is iconic!!! And she was definitely the first YouTube cover singer I subscribed to because back then cover singers weren't that big of a thing yet and she was like THE most famous one. Well slowly I kinda outgrew listening to YouTube covers and she also started posting less because she got gigs here and there opening for tours and stuff. But I still kept up with her news sometimes and her being on The Voice made me so happy for her!!! I don't even like "Wrecking Ball" but her high note in that was so good I actually replayed her audition video a few times omg. And she got 3rd on The Voice and started appearing more and more often and I was so happy for her because it really seems like she's gaining good experience and is gonna hit her big break soon. I was so excited to meet her last year at Rag & Flag because it's just crazy to meet someone you've always only seen on the screen, and also because it's crazy to see how far she has come!!! I had the amazing opportunity to take a group photo with her and briefly interacted with her in a group setting but that was enough because she was literally like 10 cm away from me. She was so so friendly and cheerful and so cute, like she was cheering and jumping up and down backstage and all :( She was only 22 and had such a great future in front of her :( Plus, she was so amazing and courageous to chase her dream. I mean from singing in her room and uploading grainy videos on YouTube to holding concert tours??? Not an easy feat. Watching her as a first-gen YouTuber really makes her seem like a friend, which makes this all the more painful. :(
I don't know if it's because I've gotten older, but I feel like deaths have started appearing more frequently in my life. Just a week ago, Mr Lui passed away and that also left me speechless. We all know we're gonna die someday, but I think nothing could ever prepare us for it. There is never "enough", we always want more time.
Life goes on, and as they always say, even if the people are gone, our memories of them live on. And it's true. I'll always remember Ben as my smiley primary school friend who played 'Taboo' with me, I'll always remember the backview of my uncle as he drives us to and fro the airport, I'll always remember Mr Lui shouting at people in the sports hall, and I'll always remember Christina as the zeldaxlove64 who had a big voice and a big heart.