Sometimes it's crazy how something that seems so far away can actually just be one step away from you. Just received news about my primary school classmate's death today and I still can't really
believe it because it just seems so
unreal, you know what I mean? We weren't very close, but he was my classmates for at least 3 years, and I have lots of fond memories of him because he's so nice and lively and funny. He has really small eyes but they crinkle when he smiles so he has a great smile and whenever I think of him the first thing I remember is his amazing smile. I remember he was part of the "popular" gang in class and he had a lot of friends and he was always cracking jokes and hanging out with his friends. He was always smiling, always laughing, always happy. He was really nice too, not at all the kind of lame primary school boys that like to bully girls! He was always super pleasant to everyone and very gentlemanly to girls.
My most memorable memory of him would be that one day after PSLE when the whole class just goes to school to play board games/card games, prepare for graduation and slack. We were playing some guessing game where we had to guess words (I think it was Taboo or smth) and we both guessed the word (it was "auction") at the same time. We were in different groups though so he very kindly gave the point to me. I don't know why is this my most memorable memory of him, maybe because I was quite proud of myself for managing to think of the word "auction" (I spent a looong time guessing the word; and not gonna lie, I learnt that word through Neopets...), but maybe it's also because I was quite touched that he was so nice!
Tbh I think I had a very low self-esteem when I was in primary school because I was overweight and also superrrrrrr shy and soft-spoken and ya I think I had the mindset that people won't want to be friends with me (yes sorry pre-teenage angst), and I seldom interacted with people like him because he's "popular" and has a lot of friends. (Ok this is sounding really pathetic.....) But yeah it's one of the rare times we interacted and I guess I was just surprised/impressed that he was so nice to me. Up until today I can still recall the exact scene, that's how much of an impact it made on me. I mean, I can even remember the word we guessed was "auction"..........
We were never close, but on friendly enough terms that we added each other on Facebook and followed each other on Instagram. When I chance upon his social media updates he always seemed like what he was in the past - friendly, fun-loving, lively. He had a girlfriend (he posted lots of cute pictures btw), had lots of friends and a super loving family. And then all of a sudden, I receive news that he's actually no longer around.
We're not close, and I don't follow his updates, so I didn't notice anything unusual, I didn't even had an inkling this was about to happen.
We come into contact with deaths all the time - on newspapers, on news, in hospitals, sometimes at accident sites. We might even have gotten desensitised towards it. But it feels so different when it's someone you actually know. This is the first time this is happening to me, and I'm not sure how to feel. It's crazy to think that someone you used to know, someone you used to talk to, someone you used to sit in class with for 3 whole years, is actually no longer
here. There just seems to be this empty void.
At the same time it's also crazy how life still moves on. Perhaps not crazy, just strange. Strange that someone has left but life still has to move on. That someone was someone's son, that someone was someone's brother, that someone was someone's best friend, that someone was someone's boyfriend, and he probably meant the world to them. But life doesn't stop, and things still continue the way they do. Sometimes it seems like he didn't even exist.
But I guess he would always exist in our hearts.
Rest in peace, my friend.
"Nothing you love is lost. Not really. Things, people–they always go away sooner or later. You can’t hold them anymore than you can hold moonlight. But if they’ve touched you, if they’re inside you, then they’re still yours. The only things you ever really have are the ones you hold inside your heart.”